Now being a few weeks on from the news I had always feared….that the cancer is back, and that this time it isn’t curable, I am definitely starting to come to terms with it now.
Yes of course I won’t lie as there have been moments when it hits home and I am reminded of what is to come….the fact that I won’t be around to see the boys grow up and develop into the wonderful men I’m sure they will become is a difficult thought to accept…..knowing I won’t grow old with my beautiful Catherine is also something I struggle with often in periods of reflection.
However, overwhelming I do still have an overriding feeling of living for today and making the very best of whats left for me.
I’ve seen Alice since I last posted pre-Xmas. We had a really honest conversation about how things may likely pan out. That’s something I have really appreciated as it’s really helped me internally get my head around how to plan the time I have left (work, time with the family etc). Whilst she has now told me that in her view “up to 3 years is probably more realistic” it hasn’t really changed anything about how I feel right now.
Yes, sure 3 is not 5, but then I could spend the rest of my time (however long that ends up actually being) agonising it and not just getting on with my life. I’ve therefore decided to internally draw a line under the whole ‘number of years’ bit and focus on the here and now.
Other than when I run, physically I feel exactly the same as I did last year. While that continues to be the case, then no problem👍
I’m due to see Alice in a week where I am expecting that we will discuss when a course of radiotherapy will start.
I’ve had to take a day or two off running recently due to a recurring injury…nothing major or that won’t be sorted soon I’m sure. I still have my sights set on the wokingham half marathon in Feb and then 🤞the big one in April (London marathon)!.
It feels difficult to reach out again to you all as I know many of you have already given so generously to my charity. I am also conscious that given how things may progress and that treatment may have started by April, I may not be able to run London.
All that said, if you would still like to donate I would be hugely appreciative!!. I always had in my mind a target of £20k and I am almost there!….just over £19k and counting. It would be great if you could help me get there!. Thank you very much! X
Tom, it’s so gutting hear this news after all the fighting spirit and resilience you’ve shown and it’s no surprise that it’s prompted deep introspection and reflection. But clearly the warrior in you is beginning to reassert itself and you’ve got some ambitions to focus on. You also have an amazing family to hold you steady, and that is worth a whole heap.
Dear Tom, you are such an inspiration to everyone, after all you have been through and I can imagine that the focus is now on happy family memories. The old saying “Live for today, live every moment in the present@ is the best I can come up with.
Will make another donation.
With great affection xx
So sorry to hear your news – Marie-Claire told me at Christmas. I know how awful the feeling of time running out can be -fortunately I recovered from my cancer, but my thoughts at diagnosis were to keep positive and do what I wanted to do when I wanted and while I could. Make lots of memories and experiences especially for Catherine and the boys to look back on. I am already deciding that our retirement this year will be full of adventures and things that I should have done years ago when I first thought of them. We lost a close friend last year unexpectedly and it made me stop being complacent. To everyone – life is short and no-one knows what is around the corner so live for the day and stay strong. Sending all my love to you and your family -including your Mum who I met when Marie-Claire had the twins! I will send another donation especially as you are going to run that marathon no matter what!! xx