Now being a few weeks on from the news I had always feared….that the cancer is back, and that this time it isn’t curable, I am definitely starting to come to terms with it now.
Yes of course I won’t lie as there have been moments when it hits home and I am reminded of what is to come….the fact that I won’t be around to see the boys grow up and develop into the wonderful men I’m sure they will become is a difficult thought to accept…..knowing I won’t grow old with my beautiful Catherine is also something I struggle with often in periods of reflection.
However, overwhelming I do still have an overriding feeling of living for today and making the very best of whats left for me.
I’ve seen Alice since I last posted pre-Xmas. We had a really honest conversation about how things may likely pan out. That’s something I have really appreciated as it’s really helped me internally get my head around how to plan the time I have left (work, time with the family etc). Whilst she has now told me that in her view “up to 3 years is probably more realistic” it hasn’t really changed anything about how I feel right now.
Yes, sure 3 is not 5, but then I could spend the rest of my time (however long that ends up actually being) agonising it and not just getting on with my life. I’ve therefore decided to internally draw a line under the whole ‘number of years’ bit and focus on the here and now.
Other than when I run, physically I feel exactly the same as I did last year. While that continues to be the case, then no problem👍
I’m due to see Alice in a week where I am expecting that we will discuss when a course of radiotherapy will start.
I’ve had to take a day or two off running recently due to a recurring injury…nothing major or that won’t be sorted soon I’m sure. I still have my sights set on the wokingham half marathon in Feb and then 🤞the big one in April (London marathon)!.
It feels difficult to reach out again to you all as I know many of you have already given so generously to my charity. I am also conscious that given how things may progress and that treatment may have started by April, I may not be able to run London.
All that said, if you would still like to donate I would be hugely appreciative!!. I always had in my mind a target of £20k and I am almost there!….just over £19k and counting. It would be great if you could help me get there!. Thank you very much! X